Our brains are hardwired to pay more attention to negative experiences. Here’s how to train them to let it go.
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Q: How can I be less negative?
A: It might be ironic for me to give this advice, as I’ve often feared that I may be too negative. But then again, I am human, as I assume all of you are, and the human brain is actually hardwired to prioritize negative experiences as a matter of survival.
In other words, human brains have a built-in negativity bias. Psychologists explain it this way: “Negative events elicit more rapid and more prominent responses than non-negative events.”
This explains why we often remember and think about insults more than compliments, or dwell on unpleasant or traumatic events more than pleasant ones. In fact, our brain’s negativity bias is so strong that even if a bunch of good things happen in a day, your brain will focus on the one bad thing.
Why are our brains so negative?
Why are our brains hardwired to be such Debbie Downers? It’s a leftover survival instinct from our early ancestors. Being more focused on negative stimuli (like predators) was useful in staying alive. Focusing on the fact that no one liked your idea in a meeting . . . less useful.
So how can we train our brains to not dwell so much on what goes wrong?
Pay more attention to the good (and bad!)
A lot of experts will tell you to keep a gratitude journal to reframe your thinking and notice all the good things that happen both large and small. It has been proven to be useful, but I think taking notice of how many negative comments or thoughts can be helpful too. Since our brains go to a negative place so automatically, it can be helpful to just be aware of when you’re falling into that habit.
When you notice the negative thought it can be useful to imagine that someone else is saying it. We can often see our own behavior more clearly when someone else does it. When my kids complain about something, it’s easy for me to put it in perspective and see that it’s not a big deal, but my own complaints and worries feel much bigger. Sometimes I stop myself with the reminder that:
- No one is thinking about me as much as I am. Whatever I’m ruminating about has likely already been forgotten.
- This won’t matter in a year. Things loom large when they happen and are forgotten after time passes.
Pause before expressing the negative thought
I’m a firm believer that if something sucks, you are allowed to say it sucks. I don’t think everything should always be positive. It can feel good to express your negative thoughts and have someone listen and commiserate. But if you’re reading this you might be concerned that you are expressing your negative thoughts a little too much. In that case you might want to pause and ask yourself “is it necessary and is it kind?”
Telling your coworker that their emails are too long and confusing, causing their message to get lost, might be necessary—even if it feels unkind. Mentioning how annoying their laugh is to your mutual colleagues isn’t necessary or kind, so you can likely keep it to yourself.
Switching your mindset to be more positive
Contributor Shawn Casemore changed his mindset from pessimism to optimism with a few shifts. Here’s what worked for him:
- Flip concerns about risks to a positive question. “What’s the worst that can happen?” becomes, “What are the best possible outcomes?”
- Share your optimistic view with others. “When we repeat things out loud, we override the little green negative person who is on our shoulder whispering pessimistic views in our ear,” he says.
- Surround yourself with optimistic people and news. He also suggests challenging negative comments and viewpoints when you encounter them.
A version of this article appeared on fastcompany.com, posted on February 10, 2024
EXPERD, Human Resources Consultant, Jakarta – Indonesia