Negativity leads to stress, which leads to failure.

Fear is the biggest obstacle to healing and personal success. Many challenging emotions tend to scare us when going through a trauma like divorce, especially those related to being alone and finances. All negativity and stress can lead to fear, which can actually prevent healing.

To overcome fear so healing is possible, realizing the need to take action is imperative. It is common for people going through trauma to make plans as to what they will do to start over, but so many get derailed and don't actually take the steps to make the plans a reality.

 

Here are some simple ways to take action to get started with the healing work.

1. Relax

Relaxing sounds so simple — and it is — but it often gets overlooked amidst the chaos of life. It's important to remember that relaxation does not have to take long, and it will make you feel good — and when we feel good, we want more of that.

Healing is not possible when we are in a victim state or scared. We need to feel all the feelings and then learn to let those that do not serve us go so we can focus on the positive ones and the joy we can create in the new life we envision.

Incorporate relaxation into your day every day — even if it's just for 10 minutes. Take a bath, go on a beautiful walk, meditate or read a book. Recognize what feels good and calms you because being in this state during stressful times will help you focus on getting to a place where you feel like this more often… until you heal and feel it the majority of the time.

2. Evolve

"To evolve" means becoming your highest and best version. We must consciously evolve to heal, lest we stay where we are. It involves doing things differently and seeking answers from within. In the case of a divorce, you must determine who you are outside of the former marriage and who you want to become in your new life.

Figuring this out involves diving into some deep questions about yourself to figure out what you need to work on to live your desired life. Most people need guidance to tackle some of the emotional states like low self-worth and false beliefs about oneself. Other limiting beliefs include shame, lack of confidence or the belief that we "can't" evolve from a caterpillar to a butterfly.

3. Fail

Failure is necessary in order to grow. If we got what we wanted all the time, we would not feel appreciative — and gratitude is necessary not only for healing but as part of a happy life. Try new things, know you might fail, and revel in the lessons learned from that failure. It allows you to fine-tune who you want to be and what you want to create.

4. Redirect

We are all made of energy; when that energy strays from the positive, we can hit a wall in our healing journey. This is normal and will happen often, so learn how to redirect that energy to set yourself back on the right path.

Depending on where the feeling manifests, there are things you can do to redirect. For example, say you are feeling down and sit on the couch binge-watching Netflix. In the process, you consume half a container of ice cream, and your stomach doesn't feel good. A redirect could be to turn off the TV, turn on some dance music, and get lost in movement. You will likely feel completely different after just a short time dancing (but keep going if it feels good!). Your action is opposite to what you were doing, allowing you to release negative energy.

5. Have fun

Healing shouldn't be so serious all the time. When we go through trauma like divorce, it is not uncommon to lose the connection with our inner child, as the process is usually stressful and sad. Just like redirecting energy through dancing, as in the example above, having fun helps us connect with that inner child, which can turn the perspective around.

Make plans to have fun — don't just think you will do it. Go roller skating with a friend, shoot some hoops, play pickleball or whatever sounds fun. Try new things, too, and make sure to spice it up. New experiences fulfill a child's wonder and curiosity, so channel that perspective as you make plans.

6. Get help

It's okay to ask for help; if you have the right support network of people who love and do not judge you, that can be a lifeline. Sometimes, we need professional help – like therapy, coaching, or energy work. You can learn about different ways to get help and see what suits you best. It will make healing much easier.

 

A version of this article appeared on entrepreneur.com, posted on March 8, 2024

EXPERD, Human Resources Consultant, Jakarta – Indonesia