Have you ever truly had a coach and mentor?
I have asked this question in groups for more than two decades now. At this stage, to tens of thousands of people. Amazingly the response is always the same. Only about 10% of people will have had someone who made such a profound difference in them that they feel compelled to speak about that person. Only 10% have ever had a great coach and mentor.
Yet, those fortunate 10% always talk about the coach, the mentor who believed in them, challenged and pushed them outside of their comfort zones, delegating things that required them to grow their skills and abilities. Someone who they knew always had their back when they made a mistake, so they felt safe in trying new things. Someone they trusted had their best interest at heart, so they were willing to listen, open their mind and take a risk.
Most people want to be more successful. They would love to have someone by their side helping them to get out of their own way, coaching and mentoring them.
So why there is a coaching and mentoring vacuum that few are willing to fill? This is a question that vexes corporate leaders.
There are five primary reasons why managers fail to become great coaches and mentors.
1. Managers don’t know what made them successful.
How can a manager replicate in others what they can’t quantify within themselves? Sure, they were a star performer who was recognized, rewarded and ultimately, promoted to lead others. But, why exactly?
Was it simply because they delivered stronger numbers and completed projects on time and under budget? Or was it something more fundamental that drove their success?
Perhaps they thought differently. They possessed a different mindset. One that caused them to have a better perspective, a more productive attitude, a different way of looking at themselves, the world around them and the opportunities that abound.
Ultimately, dominant thoughts and beliefs are what really drive our success. Great coaches and mentors understand this and it becomes the most fundamental aspect of what they teach others.
2. Managers don’t believe they can make a difference.
We become what we think about most often. Yet, how many people think of themselves becoming a great coach and mentor? How many people really believe that they can make a lasting difference in the life of another person?
If someone truly believes in something, they will act and move in ways that are consistent with that belief. You will see them invest time and energy in what they feel is most important and impactful.
People who are great coaches and mentors believe that there is nothing that they will do today that is more important than developing their people. They believe that the time and energy they invest today will make a difference tomorrow. So they look for those windows of opportunity to teach in every interaction they have.
3. Managers don’t know how to coach/mentor.
Most people gravitate toward the known and away from the unknown.
So how does one become a coach and mentor of others if they have no frame of reference of what great coaching and mentoring looks like? It is an unknown. Remember, only 10% of people have had a coaching/mentoring role model.
Would we ask someone to perform open heart surgery who has never seen the procedure done? Would we ask someone to pilot a plane who has never sat behind the controls? Of course not, yet organizations expect their managers to be coaches and mentors without any frame of reference.
To become a great coach and mentor, a person must first be given the tools required. They must be shown how to use those coaching and mentoring tools. Without the right reference points, the unknowns of coaching and mentoring will always fall to the knowns of meetings and reactively firefighting problems.
4. Managers don’t know what to focus on.
Most are familiar with the terms coaching and mentoring. They certainly are bandied around frequently enough. However, what really is the difference?
When we think of coaches, our reference point comes from sports. There’s the coach on the sideline calling out plays and cheering for their players.
In business, the role of the coach is much the same. Certainly, they must encourage and champion their people, however, the great coaches understand the skills that have the biggest impact on performance and this is what they consistently focus on developing within their people.
Conversely, the role of the mentor is not nearly as easy to quantify. Is a mentor a person above you in the organization? Is it important for you to report to them or is it better if you don’t? In reality, being a mentor is less about reporting relationships and more about what that person does.
Whereas coaches focus on developing skills, mentors focus on developing mindset. Mentors change the way people think of themselves. Great mentors understand the mental “mind” fields and help their people to safely navigate past their personal self-doubts, insecurities and self-limiting beliefs.
5. Managers don’t have time.
The single most common excuse managers give for not coaching and mentoring is their lack of time. Meetings and reactively fixing problems consume their schedule and create a sense of self-importance.
Those who have become great coaches and mentors see business problems as an opportunity to teach rather than an opportunity to jump in and fix things. Every time a situation arises, they ask questions rather than doling out answers. They get their people to think, to reflect, to learn and to adapt.
Virtually every manager has within them the ability to become a great coach and mentor.
However, first they must decide "Who do I really want to be?"
One more of the thundering herd of mediocre managers that their people have had in the past? Or the great coach and mentor who forever changes how their people see themselves in their future?
A version of this article appeared on forbes.com, posted on April 14, 2017
EXPERD, Human Resources Consultant, Jakarta – Indonesia